There are two things I didn’t know as a kid: the first is related to boundaries, and the second is related to skills.

Boundaries have to do with my limits and how to express them. I thought relationships were unconditional, and to have good relationships what I needed to do was say yes. I didn’t have the words for it back then, but as a kid I was often overwhelmed, anxious and resentful. 

The second is related to skills. Who we are is not set. A lot of how we define ourselves is unrelated to “personality”. It’s related to competence. We can learn things, and I don’t just mean math. I mean how not to be reactive. How to not fall prey to anger or disenchantment. How to be lucky. These are all skills.